Sunday, July 5, 2020

A week of lists: 40 things I never, ever get sick of seeing in comic books

1. Every time Gene Colan draws vampires turning into mist.

2. Any time a Chris Ware character falls over their own tongue, causing other people to storm away in disgust.

3. Any time Superman has to use super-ventriloquism to save the day.

4. Tony Broke teaching Ivor Lott a lesson in capitalism.

5. Every time Marshall Law says he is a hero hunter. (He hasn't found one yet.)

6. Every time the Phantom punches some poor sap in the jaw, leaving his skull mark on their face.

7. Seeing Namor trying to woo Sue Storm, and she gently, but firmly, reminds him that he smells of fish.

8. Seeing Red Torando or the Vision gets ripped to pieces, and all their arms and legs are lying around everywhere.

9. Strontium Dog Johnny Alpha using his electronux. Every time.

10. The Lieutenant Marvels.

11. The way Sean Phillips draws guns firing.

12. Any time the Midnighter tells somebody exactly how he is going to kill the shit out of them.

13. All of the full-page intros to DC horror comics of the seventies, with some ghoulish host introducing the comic.

14. The letters page of an American superhero comic, three months after Mick McMahon has done a fill-in issue.

15. Harvey Pekar's awesome 'waddaya gonna do?' shrug.

16. Any time a comic book reaches issue #1000.

17. Itto Ogami's squinting of the eyes.

18. Any story that has a title that starts with "Lo! There shall come...."

19. Spider-Man eating with his mask half-off.

20. Seventies Lana Lang, newscaster extraordinaire, calling people "luv".

21. Blue Beetle and Booster Gold, just hanging out, being mates.

22. Any time a Peter Bagge character freaks the fuck out.

23. Mek-Quake ripping apart some unfortunate droid, while yelling "Big jobs!".

24. Every time a member of the Legion of Super-Heroes gets married.

25. Locas folk having a conversation without saying anything.

26. The sheer honesty of Joe Matt's appalling penny-pinching.

27. Hellboy's smackdown talk as he beats the snot out of something horrible from beyond the veil.

28. Every time Captain Haddock swears.

29. Hunter Rose, chilling out and enjoying a glass of the reddest wine, just after he has spilled several barrel-loads of the other red stuff, under his Grendel face

30. The 'shit just got real' moment in every single Mark Millar comic ever created.

31. Any scene with the Enemy Ace hanging out with his wolf.

32. All Eddie Campbell stories about Danny Grey.

33. Any time Jarvis serves breakfast to the Avengers.

34. Somebody eats one of Swamp Thing's tubers and trips off their fuckin' nut

35. Every single one of the X-Men's "oh no, not again" plane crashes.

36. All the times Concrete's sheer weight breaks a chair, or a table. Or a truck.

37. All the 'something fell' moments in Cerebus The Aardvark.

38. Any glimpse of Uncle Scrooge's poignant past.

39. Every time Ra's Al Ghul calls Batman 'detective'.

40. Every appearance of Arcade's pinball machine of doom.

* This list first appeared in the Tearoom in April 2016. I've taken out a Julius Schwartz reference from the original, because I've since discovered that genial old Julie was actually a complete creep, and that has really taken the shine off his ambush Bug appearances. So I put Johnny Alpha in there instead and everybody wins.

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