I was recently reading a short book about David Lynch and, as always, I came away with a sneaky admiration and blatant jealousy towards his dedication to the Artist Life, although I do feel sympathy for the loved ones he ignored in that never-ending pursuit.
I don't have anywhere near that kind of dedication, but do still feel that need to create something from nothing, like almost everybody else in this world. I'm not particularly talented at drawing pictures or carving sculptures, and lack the collaborative skills to create something bigger like a movie.
But I do like putting words in a particular order to make fleeting thoughts permanent, which is how I've managed to keep this blog going for almost two decades, and I do like writing stories.
I enjoy the problem solving of a larger narrative, putting it all together in a way that makes sense, playing around with grammar and plot convention to try and scrape out something new to say. I adore having finished a short novel, and completing it to my satisfaction.
What I really hate is the idea of trying to sell it, or even having to advertise in any way whatsoever.
I never do any kind of promotion for this blog, and have multiple novels that I've completed and lost all interest in actually doing something about it afterwards. The idea of having a larger social media presence to put the word out there about something I've created, of having to go out into the world and selling it, just repels me.
There's definitely some cowardice in there. If I never show anything to anybody, nobody can tell me it is terrible - or worse, boring - and I stay in my safe little bubble. But for me, the work really is the thing. I care too much about the journey to ever give a damn about the destination.
It's one of the things I always liked about Banksy, and while he has a talent for acerbic wit and some pretty stenciling, his greatest accomplishment is his anonymity. People try to out him every few years and I never pay any attention, because it's all about the art, and nothing about the human behind it.
That's my excuse for that cowardice, and how once I have finished something, I can just move on to the next thing, and don't look back.