A letter to Empire

Dear Empire Magazine,

It's not you, it's me. It's been a journey, and I think it's over now, and I think it's time we went our seperate ways.

When we first met in the mid-90s, you were the sexiest movie magazine on the shelves, and you had some proper competition at that time. Movieline had the steamiest covers, and Premiere had the big stars, but Empire had the passion for good cinema, and while you still came with the patent lust for beautiful movie stars, you were the first place I heard of thousands of great films.

And I've got you every month since then, as best I could. There were the years when your Australian cousin came in and muscled in on the action, driving your right and proper UK edition right out of the local market altogether, but I've I've kept up by subscribing for more than a decade now. 

Even then, I usually miss two issues a year, and I used to complain about it and the subscription people were very nice and always sent out a replacement, but sometimes that replacement disappeared too, and that was that. There would always be holes in this long collection, as much as I've held onto every issue I ever got.

But it's always been an absolute goddamn delight when I have got my hands on a new issue. Finding out what's coming up, reading the latest reviews (and the inevitable disappointment at seeing how many promising films turned out to be mediocre), and getting some proper cinematic history - there have been some great articles about ancient Hollywood history in the past few years. I still try to guess the spine quote every time, dig the regular Kim Newman column, and always read the last scene.

And there have been things that have been annoying - the tedious podcast banter spreading into full articles, the way some reviews are relegated to online only - (I still have the issues that will tell me if 1991's Shattered was any good, but online reviews from a decade ago are pure vapor.)

I thought I could handle all that, and all those missing issues, but it's the holding onto them that has broken the magic. Hundreds of big bulky issues breathlessly excited about the latest Harry Potter movie or Star Wars TV show, and while every issue has a gem of an article or a review, it's a lot to hold onto.

So I'm abandoning most of the Empires I have held onto for more than 30 years now. I'll sell them for dirt cheap so some other young movie nerd can soak up all this cinematic data. I don't need to any more.

And I think I'm abandoning the regular issues, because I haven't seen a new one in three months now. I'm not sure my attempts to change my address have really stuck, and if nobody else cares enough to rectify the situation, I don't know why I should care about getting the magazine anymore.

It's not a clean break, I'll probably get the odd issue if I see one in a random magazine store or something (which hasn't happened in years now), and I'm still holding onto most of the 90s issues I got, because I imprinted on them hard.

I know I'm never getting rid of that one issue that was Bard Pitt's first cover. Those eyes still slay me. But it's time to move on.

Thanks for the memories, Empire.

Love,

Bob