With 217,000 comics published every month, the search for new talent to fill those books has never been fiercer, but internet legend ComiXman still can’t believe he hasn’t been contacted yet.
“Frankly, I’m infuriated,” wrote ComiXman on a message board somewhere on the seedier side of the web yesterday. “I’ve got a thousand ideas that would make everybody in the world read Marvel and DC comics, but they’re just not contacting me. Surely there’s no better man for the job?”
When asked for his credentials, ComiXman went off his tits.
“I am the world’s premier internet personality! I’ve been here since we were hanging on one server beneath the Pentagon. For the entire existence of the World Wide Web, I’ve been spreading the word of comics, generating debate and offering sage advice and answers to difficult questions. Remember the whole Iron Man vs. X-Men thing? I started that! I’ve been at CBR, the Warren Ellis forum, the Alvero message boards, the Bendis boards, Barbelith, Millarworld, I’ve had a voice everywhere!”
Despite attempts to calm him down, ComiXman was indignant with righteous fury.
“I had the third comic blog ever and have posted every day for 3324 days in a row. My name is out there, but even with my email address CLEARLY visible, they won’t do me the common courtesy of saving their companies.”
DC pretended to not know what the Comics Vomit was talking about, but Marvel remains unimpressed.
“ComiXman can suck my cock!” said Joe Quesada at a Marvel urinal today.