Police arrested a 27-year old nerd in Pissville, Utah yesterday, after he beat to death with his bare hands another comic fan at the local store. Police have booked Wilberforce Duetch for murder, although it is unlikely he will be convicted.
“We figure it was justifiable homicide,” said Sheriff Jack T. Chance in a press statement yesterday. “We don’t see the need to take this to trial. The limey bastard wouldn’t shut up about how American comics were so pitiful compared to British ones, and no American should have to put up with that.”
“It’s true,” agreed Duetch, joining the sheriff at the press conference. “He just kept going on about how British comics were the best, how the ‘Beano’ is a seminal influence on young British artists, how ‘Crisis’ spawned unlikely masterpieces from worthy creators, how, compared to any American heroes, Judge Dredd had genuinely matured as a character over his twenty-five years and blah blah fucking blah.”
“No American should put up with that crap,” said Sheriff Chance, slapping Duetch heartily on the back. “This is Captain America country.”