In a display of pathetic hopelessness almost always confined to young white men, Peter Marwood, from Stiffshit, Alabama, drank half a bottle of vodka, listened to Radiohead on his stereo and cried like a little girl as he read an old ‘Joker’ comic book last night.
“It’s just like when I was a kid!” blubbed Marwood down the phone line from Stiffshit. “I was five and reading this thing when my Dad went off and got himself a life. Fuck, I can still remember the smell of his aftershave as he walked out the door!”
After consuming the rest of his bottle, Marwood continued ranting as his voice become more and more unintelligible.
“It’s just so fucking beautiful, all these memories locked up in a small comic book. All the love, all the hate…”
Marwood soon passed out after completing his statement.
Industry reaction has unanimously written off Marwood’s outburst as ‘very, very sad’.