Sunday, May 3, 2009

Vomit #3: USA attacks Wizard

With the world teetering on the edge of an inevitable Armageddon of its own making, world relations notably thawed last night when the United States military launched a pre-emptive strike on Wizard Magazine.

"We had reason to believe they possessed weapons of mass stupidity," revealed General Jack D. Ripper in a Pentagon briefing. "And frankly, they were pissing us off."

Worldwide reaction was swift and unanimous, with total agreement from every nation on Earth, including America’s deadliest enemies.

"It’s about time," agreed Allah McAllah, Miss Tirisquani 1980 and current Antichrist. "While we are still generally displeased with the American Imperial War Machine, we were fucked off with Wizard’s sycophantic nature and disgusting toilet humour, and can only applaud Brother Barack’s swift action."

When pressed for further plans, General Ripper refused to reveal any details, but said that "if the Comics Journal doesn’t lower it’s impossibly high standards and doesn’t start recognising that genres don’t fucking matter, Gary Groth can be expecting a visit from Uncle Sam".

1 comment:

Stuff You Need! said...

Finally, now all my back issues of Wizard will be worth so much more!