Friday, June 5, 2009

Vomit #19: Chris Ware marries for 17th time: “They keep wearing out!”

Comics hardman and international polo legend Chris Ware married porn megastar Chesty LaRue while skydiving out of a burning helicopter over Monaco last night, as the Acme Novelty Library creator went through his 17th wedding.

Ware was tracked down this morning to a seedy blues bar on the outskirts of Harlem, where he had just won the 2009 Russian Roulette world championship, and confirmed the news.

“This one is a keeper for the next few weeks at least,” attested Ware, in between shots of actual rocket fuel. “Living on the razor’s edge like I do requires a wife who is just as sharp, or can at least handle a few extra g-forces during lovemaking.”

Ware promised he would be releasing further issues of his beloved Acme Novelty Library later this year, as he has a break in his schedule in between an appearance as starting pitcher for the New York Yankees and an engagement to surf the lava flows in Hawaii.

“I was inconsolable for a good ten minutes after my last wife perished while diving for giant squid near the underwater kingdom of Atlantis last week, and that’s given me enough misery and suffering to fill a dozen comics that I should be able to get done pretty quickly.”

When asked how he could write tales of such soul-crushingly deep despair when his life was so ridiculously incredible, Ware responded by beating the tar out of  the Comics Vomit with a piece of limp celery and leaping on to a waiting jetski to make his getaway.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

um... you forgot 18

Mr Smith said...

#18 was up for about half an hour until we realised how horrible it was and took it down. We're mean, but not nasty.