Thunderman: Comics probably fucked your mom too

Jack Kirby: Comics will break your heart, kid.

Alan Moore: Comics will break your heart; and tear it from your chest and shit on it; and literally make you chew your own lip off; and ensure that you die with nothing left but a mountain of porn; and the CIA were behind it all anyway; and, oh yeah, that crush you had on Lana Lang - and, admittedly, all the cocaine you end up doing - will see you literally plummet to your doom; and if you try to get away from comics, Vince fuckin' Colletta will fucking murder you.

I bloody loved the Thunderman story in Alan Moore's Illuminations collection. Moore has been making me laugh since I was 8-years-old and this was just the funniest thing I had read in a long, long time. I had to explain to the lovely wife why I was literally laughing out loud and there was absolutely no way I could do that without sounding totally insane. 

(Like Hey Kids Comics, I wish he used the real names, but this is even more sordid and sick than Chaykin's efforts, and some of these people had kids, man.)

And I thought I might have issues with reading this and getting Garth Marenghi's voice stuck in my head, but the real trouble was reading some recent editions of Back Issue Magazine at the same time, with Moore's gnostically sordid cesspool of an industry butting up against fond reminisces from a bunch of old dorks. The truth is obviously somewhere inbetween, but I like to think it's closer to a Superman with a permanent lion's head than the other.

Comics! Not just for kids anymore!