As much as music ruled by life in my teenage and early adult years, I didn't actually go to my first big rock or hip hop concert until I was well into my twenties. I went to plenty of gigs at the dankest pubs in the South Island, and saw my mates get up on stage and do wonderous things, but I never got to see any of the really big international acts.
There were all well outside my reach, for starters. The mega gigs were all in the far-off big cities, and getting tickets, transport and accommodation would cost hundreds of dollars, when I was lucky to get $5 a week for the latest issue of Excalibur. The only people to have the willpower to get to the big shows were the obsessives like my mate Kaz, who went to ever damn U2 show that came within a few hundred miles. I was so fucking jealous.
But once I had disposable income of my own, and moved to the big city, I got to see almost all of the bands I grew up with, and always adored. I saw most of the Clash play with the Gorillaz, and Faith No More do their thing, and Massive Attack up close. Dozens of shows, to the point where I have to consciously remember what concerts I've been to.
And this week, with all the horror in the outside world still pressing down on us all, I'm going to remember the five top gigs I ever went to. It's actually more like nine or ten, because I loved some very different shows for very similar reasons, but top five always sounds more appropriate.
None of them are going to be very surprising, or anyone that obscure, because it should be abundantly clear that I am the most basic of all bitches.
So of course I'm picking the one time I got to see the Manic Street Preachers. It was years after I'd been a committed Manics fan, but they did all the big parts. What made it so great was that it was the best example of introducing my lovely wife to something that meant a lot to me, because that's when I got to show her the glory of Nicky Wire.
We've been married for 20 years now, and she still doesn't give a damn about many of the things I'm into - she never got into comics, and I will never make a horror fan out of her - and that's absolutely fine, because everybody has their own things to be passionate about. But I can still slowly introduce her to the music that speaks to my soul, and she will sometimes fall for it harder than I ever imagined.
And so we are at the Manics gig in Auckland, and while we are waiting for the show to start, she wonders why one of the mike stands has an outrageous feather boa on it, and I say it's because Nicky Wire, and then she got a crash course in the eternal coolness of the bassist. Her later discovery of his love of tidying up the house only made it better.
It's happened a couple of times. Checking out the late and truly great Mark Lanegan at the Reading festival in 2012 was another bet that paid off, his stoic stage presence making another new fan with the absolute minimum of effort, and the Rammstein show we saw at another festival was most impressive pyrotechnics I've ever seen, with the flames vaporising the light rain that was falling, and burning with such heat we could feel it on our faces 50m from the stage. But the most surprising thing about that was that she immediately went out and bought every single one of those albums.
And this is a win for everybody, we both enjoy the music, and can luxuriate in it together. But there is also just something truly special about finding a new connection with the love of your life.
Big rock concerts are all about a connection on the macro level, with thousands of people all living in the same moment, all jamming to the same tune. But it's also about those tiny connections, and it's just always better when you can share the love.