So I go a little mental when video shops close down
Originally posted June 26, 2012
I know we’re all supposed to be into the minimalism of digital these days, but I like stuff. And I find the experience of browsing a bookcase full of chunky comics, esoteric novels and endless DVDs to be absolutely preferable to skipping through a computer folder. It’s an aesthetics thing.
So when a local video store went under
recently, and sold off his catalogue of titles for $2 each, I went a little
crazy on it and bought 30 movies (and a Doctor Who DVD). I also appreciate the irony of digital killing the video store.
They were all totally worth two bucks.
***
1. Kill List
It was totally worth two bucks because: Kill List is probably my favourite film of the past year. I dig that deeply creepy vibe, and by the time the main characters are running away from crazy people in animal masks through pitch-dark tunnels, I was really, truly, terrified as fuck. It stars The Yawning Horror That Lurks In The Afternoon Sun, and Tyres from Spaced. The first time I watched it, I had nightmares for days, and that’s about the highest compliment I can give anything.
It was totally worth two bucks because: Kill List is probably my favourite film of the past year. I dig that deeply creepy vibe, and by the time the main characters are running away from crazy people in animal masks through pitch-dark tunnels, I was really, truly, terrified as fuck. It stars The Yawning Horror That Lurks In The Afternoon Sun, and Tyres from Spaced. The first time I watched it, I had nightmares for days, and that’s about the highest compliment I can give anything.
***
2. Fearless Vampire Killers
It was totally worth two bucks because: I’ve never seen it before. I haven’t seen a lot of early Polanski, even though it’s always rewarding when I finally get around to it.
It was totally worth two bucks because: I’ve never seen it before. I haven’t seen a lot of early Polanski, even though it’s always rewarding when I finally get around to it.
***
3. Jackass 3
It was totally worth two bucks because: If you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough. And people getting smacked in the face in ultra-slow motion is always, always funny.
***
4. Matewan
It was totally worth two bucks because: John Sayles somehow makes worthy films that don’t feel like they’re bashing you around the head with the Worthy Stick, probably because he never forgets the little triumphs and humour in everyday life, while pointing a righteous finger at societal injustice.
***
5. 28 Weeks Later
It was totally worth two bucks because: I have a definite fondness for 28 Weeks Later, because it has got one or two incredibly good sequences, and I remember seeing a giant poster for it while wandering around a deserted London at six in the morning, which was all kinds of unsettling. But I never bought it until it was too cheap to refuse because I hate the ending so much, mainly because it suggests that the American army’s blunt cruelty was actually right after all.
It was totally worth two bucks because: I have a definite fondness for 28 Weeks Later, because it has got one or two incredibly good sequences, and I remember seeing a giant poster for it while wandering around a deserted London at six in the morning, which was all kinds of unsettling. But I never bought it until it was too cheap to refuse because I hate the ending so much, mainly because it suggests that the American army’s blunt cruelty was actually right after all.
***
6. Diary of the Dead
It was totally worth two bucks because: Diary of the Dead is even worse than 28 Week Later, filled with unlikeable characters and painfully obvious metaphors, but it’s still a George Romero zombie film, so there is always something. Hello, weird deaf Amish farmer with a big box of dynamite!
It was totally worth two bucks because: Diary of the Dead is even worse than 28 Week Later, filled with unlikeable characters and painfully obvious metaphors, but it’s still a George Romero zombie film, so there is always something. Hello, weird deaf Amish farmer with a big box of dynamite!
***
7. Somers Town
***
8. In the Name of The Father
It was totally worth two bucks because: When Gerry goes out the front door of the courthouse, I always want to rush out and punch a policeman in the face (with joy, not anger). Top soundtrack, too.
***
9. Doctor Terror’s House of Horrors
It was totally worth two bucks because: The Amicus portmanteau horror movies are always worth a look – even if one of the stories is rubbish, it doesn’t matter, because a new one will be along soon enough. And they all have that weird seventies vibe that I do find creepily unsettling. But even with all that love and even though I saw things like The House That Dripped Blood and Tales From The Crypt years ago, I never saw this one, because I really thought it was a piss-take with a title like that. Turns out they were dead serious, which just makes it funnier.
It was totally worth two bucks because: The Amicus portmanteau horror movies are always worth a look – even if one of the stories is rubbish, it doesn’t matter, because a new one will be along soon enough. And they all have that weird seventies vibe that I do find creepily unsettling. But even with all that love and even though I saw things like The House That Dripped Blood and Tales From The Crypt years ago, I never saw this one, because I really thought it was a piss-take with a title like that. Turns out they were dead serious, which just makes it funnier.
***
10. The Guard
It was totally worth two bucks because: The smile on Brendan Gleeson’s face at the very end of The Guard is the single greatest enigmatic smile in cinema since the end of O Lucky Man! Plus, Mark Strong is awesome. Double-plus, the DVD comes with a terrific short film, which somehow has half the cast of Game of Thrones in it.
***
11. Machete
It was totally worth two bucks because: “Machete improvise.”
***
12. The Castle
It was totally worth two bucks because: The Castle is easily the second best Australian film ever made, (after Mad Max 2, obviously). Endlessly quotable and genuinely heart-warming.
It was totally worth two bucks because: The Castle is easily the second best Australian film ever made, (after Mad Max 2, obviously). Endlessly quotable and genuinely heart-warming.
***
13. Taste the Blood of Dracula
It was totally worth two bucks because: Somewhere towards the end of this film marks the exact moment the Hammer Dracula films went from ‘Not that bad actually’ to ‘that was bloody awful’, and all the hamfisted attempts to make it groovy by moving it into the modern day never got that mojo back.
It was totally worth two bucks because: Somewhere towards the end of this film marks the exact moment the Hammer Dracula films went from ‘Not that bad actually’ to ‘that was bloody awful’, and all the hamfisted attempts to make it groovy by moving it into the modern day never got that mojo back.
***
14. The Lives of Others
It was totally worth two bucks because: The bit at the end when you see the dedication in the book breaks my fuckin’ heart every time.
It was totally worth two bucks because: The bit at the end when you see the dedication in the book breaks my fuckin’ heart every time.
***
15. Die Hard
It was totally worth two bucks because: Die Hard is absolutely one of my favourite movies ever, thanks to an airtight script, some terrific action staging and unexpected moments of real humanity. But it was so easily available that I never got around to actually buying it, because I knew I would some day, and kept putting it off. I kept seeing it cheaper and cheaper, and still didn’t get it, but by the time it got down to a couple of bucks, I had no excuse. Which is a really, really boring way of saying I love this motherfuckin' film like it was my own child.
***
16. Die Hard 2: DIE HARDER
It was totally worth two bucks because: It didn’t have an airtight script, the action was often clumsy and real humanity got lost in the snow, but I still love the way John McClane spits out insults and other shit-talk under his breath when he’s fighting for his life.
***
17. Master of the Flying Guillotine
It was totally worth two bucks because: That is one crazy-ass weapon, and some even crazier foley effects.
It was totally worth two bucks because: That is one crazy-ass weapon, and some even crazier foley effects.
***
18. Red Hill
It was totally worth two bucks because: I like movies where the main character keeps getting the shit kicked out of them, but they just keep getting up. I also like movies where a silent, possibly noble, killer takes out a bunch of horrible people with absolute judgment. And I love movies where some kind of primal force of nature shows up as some sort of metaphysical and metaphorical summation of the whole film. So Red Hill was certainly my type of movie.
It was totally worth two bucks because: I like movies where the main character keeps getting the shit kicked out of them, but they just keep getting up. I also like movies where a silent, possibly noble, killer takes out a bunch of horrible people with absolute judgment. And I love movies where some kind of primal force of nature shows up as some sort of metaphysical and metaphorical summation of the whole film. So Red Hill was certainly my type of movie.
***
19. Life and Death of Colonel Blimp
It was totally worth two bucks because: It’s probably my favourite of the Powell/Pressburger films, because of the balls it has in not even showing the pivotal duel around which the whole film revolves, and because it’s a remarkably humanist approach to a film made in 1943 that suggests that the enemy isn’t that different from us and that the Germans aren’t that bad, and because Deborah Kerr was smoking hot in an army uniform.
It was totally worth two bucks because: It’s probably my favourite of the Powell/Pressburger films, because of the balls it has in not even showing the pivotal duel around which the whole film revolves, and because it’s a remarkably humanist approach to a film made in 1943 that suggests that the enemy isn’t that different from us and that the Germans aren’t that bad, and because Deborah Kerr was smoking hot in an army uniform.
***
20. Four Lions
It was totally worth two bucks because: “Well, it must be the target. I just shot it!”
***
21. Be Here to Love Me
It was totally worth two bucks because: The life story of Townes Van Zandt is depressingly familiar, but man, that voice…
It was totally worth two bucks because: The life story of Townes Van Zandt is depressingly familiar, but man, that voice…
***
22. Super
It was totally worth two bucks because: The moment where Frank totally loses it at the climactic moment is actually kinda shocking, and even a little bit moving, but it’s the wicked humour that saturates the rest of the movie that makes Super stand out from all the other real-life-superhero-who-is-actually-completely-mental films.
***
23. Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story
It was totally worth two bucks because: The messiness of the narrative is a perfect fit for this adaptation of Tristram Shandy, and while it certainly gets far too self-indulgent and self-conscious for its own good, that’s the point of the whole thing. Besides, it’s always fun to see Steve Coogan play Steve Coogan – those moments when he realises he will never be as huge as he thinks he should be are priceless (even if those moments are not as cruel in Tristam Shandy as they are in Coffee & Cigarettes and The Trip).
***
24. Zombie Holocaust
It was totally worth two bucks because: Zombie versus shark.
It was totally worth two bucks because: Zombie versus shark.
***
25. Cube
It was totally worth two bucks because: There just aren’t enough movies that mix up complex mathematical theory and extremely violent gore.
It was totally worth two bucks because: There just aren’t enough movies that mix up complex mathematical theory and extremely violent gore.
***
26. Triangle
It was totally worth two bucks because: I also always dig films about time travel that end in an eternal paradox that gives everything an absolutely tragic dimension. There aren’t enough of those films either.
It was totally worth two bucks because: I also always dig films about time travel that end in an eternal paradox that gives everything an absolutely tragic dimension. There aren’t enough of those films either.
***
27. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventures
It was totally worth two bucks because: The news that they are actually, seriously, going to make a new Bill and Ted film is great news. Bogus Journey is my favourite Bill and Ted film, probably because they play 20 Questions while falling into hell, but Excellent Adventure is still brilliant. I think the films really work because the main characters might be airheaded musicians, but they’re actually genuinely nice guys, and a future based on the philosophy of being excellent to each other is one I’d actually like to live in. Plus, time travel.
It was totally worth two bucks because: The news that they are actually, seriously, going to make a new Bill and Ted film is great news. Bogus Journey is my favourite Bill and Ted film, probably because they play 20 Questions while falling into hell, but Excellent Adventure is still brilliant. I think the films really work because the main characters might be airheaded musicians, but they’re actually genuinely nice guys, and a future based on the philosophy of being excellent to each other is one I’d actually like to live in. Plus, time travel.
***
28. Meet the Feebles
It was totally worth two bucks because: I watched it for the first time in more than a decade the other night, and it was still gross enough to still make me feel a little sick. That’s fairly impressive
It was totally worth two bucks because: I watched it for the first time in more than a decade the other night, and it was still gross enough to still make me feel a little sick. That’s fairly impressive
***
29. Silent Running
It was totally worth two bucks because: Another one I had never seen before, which is just shameful, but it was just the one early seventies cerebral science fiction film that I never quite got around to seeing, (c’mon, there are a lot of them), so I’m fixing that discrepancy now.
It was totally worth two bucks because: Another one I had never seen before, which is just shameful, but it was just the one early seventies cerebral science fiction film that I never quite got around to seeing, (c’mon, there are a lot of them), so I’m fixing that discrepancy now.
***
30. Lost Highway
It was totally worth two bucks because: David Lynch likes the fish burger meal at McDonald's with a chocolate shake. But he really likes coffee shops.
It was totally worth two bucks because: David Lynch likes the fish burger meal at McDonald's with a chocolate shake. But he really likes coffee shops.
No comments:
Post a Comment