I’m running out of week, so here is a
general list of things that tick me off, before I end this childish week of
groaning on Sunday with a moan about the single biggest failure in modern
fiction. (Then the annual Invisibles love, then a holiday.)
So yeah, it’s a hard life sometimes, and
these things make it harder:
* Readers who consistently assume that the
writer shares the exact same point of view as one of their characters.
* Film festival wankers! I have missed out
on so many screenings because I’m stuck in line behind some smug couple who
don’t know if they want a Sav or a Pinot with their film, and I just want to
get a fucking ticket, and then the movie start time creeps past while I’m still
in line, listening to that woman at the counter loudly demanding to know why
her expired vouchers are no good any more.
* Members of the public who try to tell me
how to do my job when they have no fucking idea what it actually entails.
(Mentioned earlier in the week, but it’s been a rough couple of days on that
score.)
* Anybody who thinks superheroes who don’t
kill are lame.
* So there is this one ad that plays on
television all the time, and it features all these people getting on a train
and then putting these SUPERAWESOMEHIDEF televisions up over the windows, and
then marvel at pictures of the sun and other places around the world, and I
don’t know why – probably because I really enjoy sitting in trains and watching
the countryside roll by - but this ad irritates the piss out of me.
* Top ten lists of music that nobody but
the reviewer has ever heard.
* Fast food places where the food isn’t
fast.
* Paranoid lunatics who see the whole world
in terms of their own political ideology.
* Soft porn! People who love porn don’t
like it, and people who hate porn don’t like it, so what’s the point? (copyright BotY)
* People who moan about the fact that David
Lynch films are hard to understand, and people who go on about the fact that
David Lynch films are easy to understand.
* Comic book collections that don’t tell a
full story.
* The Academy Awards
* People who sneer at me because I didn’t
vote in the last general election.
* Especially when they say “Well, you can’t
complain if you don’t vote”, as if that’s the only real reason for exercising
my democratic rights.
* Drivers who go 20 kays under the speed
limit and don’t pull over, or drivers who have no idea how indicators seem to
work, or drivers who take too long to move when a traffic light goes green, or
drivers who stop for no bloody reason.
* All other drivers on the road, basically.
* And cyclists who ride in the middle of a
traffic lane, bringing everyone on the road down to their own pitiful speed.
* And for that matter, the prick who set
the timings on Auckland traffic lights. I’ve driven in some big cities, and Auckland easily has
the worst I’ve ever driven through.
* Every judge on every talent show ever.
* Anybody who has ever checked their phone,
halfway through a movie in a darkened cinema.
* Anybody in criticism who plays the man,
not the ball.
* People who whine about lazy storytelling.
NEXT: I whine about lazy storytelling.
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